


almost is never enough

by clawsnbeak



Series: Pynch Prompt Collection [8]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Kissing, M/M, a disgusting amount of fluff, bc these boys just cant catch a break, lots of almost kissing, matthew is a vlogger, ronan throws noah... again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-02-08
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:13:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22619188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clawsnbeak/pseuds/clawsnbeak
Summary: "Their first kiss should have happened then, in Ronan’s BMW, parked in front of St. Agnes, with neither of them willing to get out. It should have happened when Adam turned to look at Ronan and, for the first time, Ronan looked back without averting his eyes. It should have happened when Adam decided to inch closer, letting his breath hit Ronan’s lips. It should have happened with Ronan’s hand tangled in his shirt like he had now, his eyes closing as he sent a quick thank you to God."The five times Adam and Ronan almost kissed and the one time they actually did.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Series: Pynch Prompt Collection [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1417012
Comments: 6
Kudos: 216





	almost is never enough

**Author's Note:**

> this took me way too long to write lmao but here it is! 
> 
> hope you enjoy <3

1\. 

It had been a long time coming and it started with Ronan. Catching feelings for Adam Parrish came as easy as breathing, but dealing with those feelings often grabbed him by the throat and squeezed until he was choking. He had denied himself the possibility of getting together with Adam until it became unbearable, drowning him together with the other sorrows in his life that he never learned to come to terms with. All hope seemed lost when Adam got together with Blue and then they broke up and Ronan finally believed he had a chance. But Adam never saw him the way he saw Adam and the rejection hit him harder than he dared to admit. By the time Adam started looking back, Ronan had already given up.

But then it continued with Adam. Because Adam was smart and he _knew_ and he ignored it until there was no room for ignoring it anymore. Ronan had fallen for him and Adam had fallen right with him. 

Adam wasn’t like Ronan. He wasn’t careful and shy, he wasn’t painfully selfless. No, Adam went after what he wanted even if there was a chance of rejection. Not because he thought that he deserved Ronan in the least, but he was a selfish creature and he wanted Ronan.

Their first kiss should have happened then, in Ronan’s BMW, parked in front of St. Agnes, with neither of them willing to get out. It should have happened when Adam turned to look at Ronan and, for the first time, Ronan looked back without averting his eyes. It should have happened when Adam decided to inch closer, letting his breath hit Ronan’s lips. It should have happened with Ronan’s hand tangled in his shirt like he had now, his eyes closing as he sent a quick thank you to God.

Their first kiss should have happened like that, but it didn’t.

The smell of Cabeswater interrupted them, hitting Adam with a force that made him reel back. There were whispers in his deaf ear again, urging him to come to the forest and do his job as its Magician. 

Ronan’s face was closed off when Adam turned to him, his jaw clenched. 

“It’s Cabeswater,” Adam tried. Ronan just nodded and pulled out, turning the car back to the forest they had just come from. 

Adam leaned his head back against the window, trying to catch Ronan’s eyes but he held them firmly on the road before them. Adam turned away from him and pretended to sleep, trying not to think of the possibility that this could have been the only shot he had at kissing Ronan.

2.

Adam thought he could have a second chance that same night. They had returned from Cabeswater and were both bone-tired, to the point that Adam forgot about the awkwardness of missed opportunities for long enough that he offered Ronan a place next to his bumpy mattress. Ronan took it without many words, placing his leather jacket underneath his head like he had done so many times before. There was such familiarity in the action that Adam dared to hope they could go back to before they ruined everything that had been building up between them.

Adam went to the bathroom to wash the dirt from Cabeswater off of him, hoping he would feel like himself again once he was done. By the time he came back, Ronan had his headphones over his ears and eyes closed. Adam could see he was not sleeping but Ronan was very clear in his implications.

There was no room for explanations, not tonight at least.

Adam tried to pretend he couldn’t physically feel his heart bleed from Ronan’s clear dismissal. He was a proud being and letting Ronan inside of the walls he had built up for himself was hard enough but now that Ronan had wrecked everything he had held so close, there was no universe in which he was the one to apologise, to vent off the awkwardness stifling the room. 

He turned around so he didn’t have to see Ronan, closed his eyes, and pretended that his eyes were watering for a different reason.

The sniffles he let out were quiet, hidden, though, of course, Ronan managed to notice them anyway. There was something terrifying about Adam trying to hide the most vulnerable parts of himself and someone else seeing them without having to try. 

He had his good ear pressed against his pillow, not hearing when Ronan got up so when Ronan leaned over him and pressed a tentative hand to his shoulder, Adam jumped, curling in on himself instinctively. 

“Shit,” he heard muffled through the fabric of his flat pillow. Adam quickly wiped his eyes and turned to Ronan who staring at him wide-eyed.

“I would never-“ Ronan started, being interrupted by a quick, “I know.”

They were silent for a moment, Ronan in what could only be described as simmering rage slowly bubbling to the surface and Adam basking the awkwardness of his instinctual actions.

“Why were you crying?” Ronan asked, sounding too gentle for Adam’s liking. He was an expert in biting words and balled fists but he hadn’t learned how to handle gentleness yet, especially when coming from the last person you’d expect to have this underlying core of pure love inside of him.

“You know why,” Adam snapped back, his eyes trailing the bare wails, the cracked ceiling, anything to avoid Ronan’s questioning eyes.

Ronan sighed and caught his chin, his touch light and non-threatening. “Talk to me.”

“Bold request, Lynch,” Adam said, his voice cold and hard. “You were the one that avoided me.”

“I didn’t know… Shit, Parrish, I thought you regretted it ever happening.”

Adam twisted his hands together unconsciously, mirroring Ronan tugging at his bracelets. “Nothing has happened yet.”

Ronan stared at him a little too long for his liking, his eyes piercing right through him until it felt like Ronan was looking into his soul, not disliking what he saw.

Ronan was getting closer, his breath hot against Adam’s mouth. He leaned in and closed his eyes, waiting for Ronan to light him on fire.

Something big flew against his window, ripping them apart immediately. Ronan took a protective stance in front of Adam but he pushed him away so he could see what had ruined yet another chance of finally getting the kiss he craved.

Chainsaw was croaking indignantly at the closed window, rapping against it with her claws until Ronan sighed and opened the window for her.

She flew straight at Adam but he was prepared. He carried her more on his shoulders than Ronan these days.

Chainsaw nipped at his fingers playfully and he couldn’t help but smile at her, ruffling her feathers lightly. 

Still, he was disappointed and impatient and he wanted Ronan to kiss him as he had imagined it. But Ronan’s face was closed off again, unreadable, even for Adam who had become quite good at guessing what Ronan was feeling.

Adam went to bed that night hungry for something he wasn’t sure he deserved.

3.

Adam found himself in Monmouth more often when Gansey was not there. He would never completely feel at home in Monmouth, too much of the other boys were ingrained in the walls of the establishment but the quiet days, when Gansey was secretly running off with Blue and Noah had disappeared to a place not reachable for them, Adam could almost pretend he belonged there too.

He and Ronan had tentatively gotten back to being friends, the previous almost-kisses pushed to the back of their minds as much as it would let them. 

They were in the living room, Ronan’s expensive laptop propped up the coffee-table, probably wrinkling some important notes of Gansey’s but neither boy cared at that moment.

The couch they were sat on was big enough that they didn’t have to sit close to one another, so they didn’t, something Adam craved more than anything. He had long stopped watching the movie Ronan had picked out and instead took this moment to think of a plan to somehow fix what he had unintentionally broken.

“You’re not even watching, are you?” Ronan asked suddenly, making Adam jump in his seat.

Adam smiled guiltily but didn’t answer. He couldn’t come out and say ‘no, sorry, I was too busy thinking about how I wanted to hold your hand and sit close enough next to you to smell you’ so he turned his focus back to the screen, trying to ignore how Ronan was still watching him from the corner of his eyes.

“We can put something else on,” Ronan opted, the air surrounding them awkward and tense. 

Adam shook his head, his eyes never leaving the screen. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Ronan said, jumping up from the couch. “If you don’t want to be here, Parrish, then leave.”

“I do want to be here,” Adam shot back, sliding off the couch himself. He stood in front of Ronan, poking a finger in his chest. “But I’m not even sure how I’m supposed to act around you.”

“Well, not like this,” Ronan said sarcastically, his arms crossing in front of him. 

Adam sighed and felt the anger drain out of his body. He was tired of messing up, breaking everything he got close to. All he wanted was to be back in that precious moment before everything had gone to shit, when he was so close to Ronan he could count his eyelashes, and smell the scent of expensive cologne. When Cabeswater hadn’t interrupted an opportunity he had longed for since he realised his feelings for Ronan.

“I should just go,” Adam said quietly, turning around to grab his backpack before a hand stopped him.

“No, you should just stay here and talk to me.”

Adam raised an eyebrow, promptly ignoring the heat of Ronan’s skin on his own. “We’re not the best talkers.”

“Yeah, well, maybe we should finally learn.”

And so they did. 

They sat back on the couch, staring at each other uncertainly before Ronan took it upon himself to start.

“I guess I don’t hate you,” he said, looking at his hands.

“Wow,” Adam laughed. “Thanks.”

Ronan cursed and wiped a hand down his face. He took a breath, looked right into Adam’s eyes and said, “I like you.”

“I like you too,” Adam admitted immediately.

Ronan sighed and got up from the couch, pacing in front of it. Adam followed him with his eyes.

“No, you don’t get it,” Ronan said, his voice strung tight. “I _like_ you.”

Adam got up from the couch himself and stopped Ronan’s frantic pacing with two hands on Ronan’s arms. He looked at him earnestly and smiled a little, “I _like_ you too.”

“Oh,” Ronan let out in a quiet huff. “Okay.”

This time it was Adam who took the leap, leaning in so Ronan could see his clear intent. 

They were close, so very close to finally letting their lips touch and getting lost in the taste of each other.

The door to the living room smashed open and Gansey came stumbling in, his arms full of Amazon packages that were undoubtedly filled with ‘rare’ books he had decided would help them on their quest to finding Glendower. 

“Ronan, call Adam, I found something about the leylines-“ Gansey finally looked at the pair that had sprung apart at the sound of the door, cheeks flushed and fidgeting as they stood a little too far apart to make sense. “Oh, hi Adam.”

“Hi, Gansey.” Adam gave an awkward short wave in his direction. “I should go.”

“But the leyline-“

“Can be saved for another time,” Adam said, already having gathered his backpack, he walked ‘calmly’ to the door and practically ran once the door fell closed behind him, leaving a confused Gansey and a slightly hurt Ronan behind.

4\. 

If Noah could die again, it would be at Adam’s hands.

Since Adam and Ronan had confessed their feelings they were seeking out opportunities to finally do something about it. But there were always other things to do; exams, Glendower, meetings at Nino’s that were non-negotiable. 

Today, though, there was a morning assembly and a small window of time for them to finally be alone together. They had stayed on the outer edges of the auditorium, waited ten minutes, then snuck away, claiming Ronan had a headache to a worried Gansey. They narrowly avoided Gansey trying to tag along and ran into an alcove. 

Ronan’s back was against the wall, his lips pulled into a sharp grin. Adam was stalking forward, getting closer to Ronan until their torsos were touching.

Their faces inched forwards, their eyes closing, Adam had one hand on Ronan’s jaw to guide him to his lips. Their lips touched for a split second before a figure suddenly appeared next to them, singing loudly.

“Adam and Ronan were sitting in a tree-“

Ronan took Adam’s backpack from where it had fallen on the floor and threw it at Noah’s face. 

Unfortunately, it went right through him.

“That’s not nice,” Noah pouted, turning around to stare dejectedly at the backpack.

“Oh, that’s not nice?” Ronan said, baring his teeth menacingly. “That’s not nice?!”

Adam stepped back with practised ease as Ronan ran after Noah who flickered in the bright light of the superficial lighting of the school and let out a joyous laugh that sounded more like an echo of what had once been.

After a few seconds, he could hear a loud scream and something heavy tumbling down the stairs. Adam waited patiently until Ronan returned with a self-satisfied smile.

“I threw him down the stairs,” Ronan said proudly.

Adam laughed, shaking his head in disbelief. “I figured.”

“Now, where were we?” Ronan asked, looping his fingers around Adam’s belt loops and pulled him closer. The bell rang before Adam could answer and Ronan let out a groan.

“I know,” Adam said, patting Ronan on the shoulder.

Adam was unable to focus the remaining hours of the day, constantly thinking of how close they had been, how Ronan’s eyes had fluttered closed, how Adam had felt a pull in his stomach he never felt before.

5.

Adam was putting his books back into his locker, Ronan leaning against the ones next to him, suddenly asking him if he wanted to come to The Barns after school.

“I thought we were supposed to meet with Gansey?”

Ronan grinned. “I still have a headache, remember?”

Adam shrugged, “Sure.” 

He tried to play it cool, not letting his excitement at the prospect of having Ronan alone again show. Ronan nodded back and that was that.

Before he knew it they were in Ronan’s BMW, close to one of the places Adam felt most calm. There was something peaceful about The Barns, with its dream creatures roaming around the almost unnaturally bright green grass.

It became quite clear Ronan didn’t have anything planned for their afternoon at the Barns, looking lost in his own home. 

“You hungry?” Ronan eventually asked, but the tension was already palpable, Adam could feel it linger on his skin.

“I could eat,” he answered, following Ronan to the kitchen that was designed like it came right out of a feel-good movie. 

Ronan took out some supplies while Adam lingered in the door-opening.

“Are you gonna help me or what?” Ronan asked over his shoulder. 

Adam made his way to the countertop, taking in the many, many ingredients Ronan had accumulated. “We’re not feeding a small army, Lynch.”

“It’s for pancakes, dipshit.”

And then they got to work. 

This entire mess started by Ronan being an idiot and flicking some flour in Adam’s hair, laughing hard as he did. Adam stood frozen for exactly one second before he grabbed the bag of flour, stuck his hand inside of it, and threw the handful of white powder right in Ronan’s face.

His shell-shocked facial expression was enough for Adam to double over in laughter.

“It’s on, Parrish,” Ronan said menacingly, moving forwards slowly, eggs in hand.

Adam stepped back, trapped against the counter. “Don’t you dare.”

Ronan rose one scarred eyebrow and threw the eggs with a surprising accuracy but Adam ducked just in time, grabbing the milk as he went down. He managed to get up before Ronan had the time to grab something else and threw it over his Aglionby uniform, making the white shirt cling to his skin.

Adam was too distracted by the sight to realise Ronan had taken the flour bag back. It was dumped on his head within seconds and Adam spluttered indignantly. He wiped the powder out of his eyes and charged at Ronan who ran away laughing. 

They grabbed everything they could, taking every chance to touch each other. Until they came to a standstill, Adam pressed against the counter and Ronan pressed against him.

Ronan was close enough that Adam had to tilt his face a little to make up for the slight height difference. There was mirth in Ronan’s eyes and Adam suddenly forgot that there was a battle going on in the first place.

Ronan’s hand went to his waist tentatively, touching him like he was afraid Adam would run away. Instead, Adam lifted himself on the counter, urging Ronan to come closer. Ronan stepped between his legs, his hands placed on the counter besides Adam’s thighs. Adam wound his arms around Ronan’s neck and pulled him closer.

Their lips were so close to touching, Adam could feel his tingle. His stomach knotted with anticipation.

He closed his eyes.

“Hey, whatsup everybody, Matthew here! I just wanted to pop in and quickly show you my brother, Ronan. He’s finally getting some after months of pining! Leave a like if you’re proud of him.”

“MATTHEW.”

“Whoops, sorry guys, he’s not too happy about it. And now he’s chasing me-“

“I’m going to fucking-“

“Subscribe to me in case I make it out alive and hit that bell button to know exactly when I’ve uploaded something! Let’s help me get to 2 million before my birthday-“

“YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE-“

“Bye guys, see you in the next one!”

+1

Adam was thrumming with restless energy. 

It had been days since the Barns and Adam was feeling rather hopeless. For a second he thought fate was trying to tell him something by constantly ripping him and Ronan apart.

Then he realised fate was bullshit. Fate wasn’t real.

Maybe it was to show the reality of relationships, of something that would eventually bloom to love. Maybe it was to make them realise that maintaining a relationship was going to be hard and take effort and time but that it meant more than relationships steered by fate, by the inevitability it would work out, by the opportunities that were given not taken.

Or maybe their friends were just a bunch of dickheads.

When Cabeswater whispered in his ear again, he practically yanked Ronan outside after class and told him to drive him there, leaving Gansey to stare after them with a shake of his head but a knowing smile on his face. Of course, Noah had told him and this allowed him to take the day off Glendower searching and focus solely on Blue.

For once Adam let Ronan play his godawful music, the hard bass matching the frantic beating of his heart.

Ronan turned his head a few times trying to catch Adam’s eyes but Adam couldn’t look at him, not when he was seconds away from just lunging at him and finally getting the kiss he had waited for.

They walked into Cabeswater, Adam feeling where the irregularities were and together they fixed Cabeswater up until the forest was thrumming happily again.

“So that’s it,” Ronan said, wiping his dirty hands on his uniform.

“Yeah…” Adam said softly, not taking his eyes off Ronan. His unnaturally blue eyes, the rumpled state of his clothes, the leather bracelets he was chewing on again.

“ _Fuck it_.”

Adam had two hands fisted in Ronan’s shirt, pushing his against a nearby tree, careful enough to not hurt Ronan but hard enough to make Ronan let out a sound at the impact.

They stared at each other quietly. Seconds ticked by, the air growing tenser, Adam’s hands still holding fistfuls of Ronan’s shirt. 

Finally, Ronan’s eyelashes fluttered.

“Kiss me,” he whispered hoarsely. Then he licked his lips, Adam’s eyes following the movement. “Please.”

Adam surged forward, not taking a chance at getting interrupted again. Their lips met frantically. They had both been on edge for too long. 

Ronan’s arms were wrapped around Adam’s waist, pulling him closer until Adam was melting into him. Almost every inch of their bodies were touching. Adam felt like he was burning up but then Ronan bit his bottom lip playfully and he found himself not caring.

They slowed down eventually, sharing soft kisses and gentle touches, smiling into the kiss.

_Fucking finally._

**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments are always much appreciated!
> 
> you can also find me on [Tumblr](clawsnbeak.tumblr.com)!


End file.
